


River Part 3

by writingformadderton



Series: River [3]
Category: Rocketman (2019)
Genre: Angst, Dinner, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton
Summary: When Richard spends a nice evening with his best mate and tries to forget everything, he feels truly happy for the first time in a while. Brandon notices the change and gets worried that his best mate will get hurt again. Taron on his side is finally opening up to Jamie about all the things he had been hiding from him for so long. Jamie wants to get him someone who can help him, but just like back then Taron is against it.
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Series: River [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603804
Kudos: 2





	River Part 3

“You know sometimes I ask myself what I did wrong.” Richard says and puts a fork full of noodles in his mouth.

“How do you mean?” Brandon asks confused and looks up from his own plate.

“Well I couldn’t help him. Whatever I did, I couldn’t.” he places his fork down and looks at Brandon.

“Rich-.” he sighs and lies down his fork and knife, watching him with a small smile. His mate runs his fingers through his dark curls and pulls back the sleeves of his black sweater.

“I talked to him, I ignored it, I begged, I cried, I supported him, I tried to make him happy. But nothing worked. And I feel like that’s on me because I couldn’t figure out what was the right thing to do.” Richard goes on and stops when he sees Brandon’s expression on his face. “Sorry, too much?” he asks chuckling and contorts his face.

Brandon shakes his head and leans a bit forward. “Stop searching the mistake on your end. Rich, I know you wanted to help and you tried a lot more than most would. But sometimes we can’t help people, even though we would love to.” he says and watches Richard carefully, who listens closely to his words. “I know it’s hard to see someone suffer, I really do. But we can’t help everyone.”

Richard bites his lower lip and nods slowly. “I know. I just wish I could have helped. He doesn’t deserve to be in that state of mind.”

“Listen, this is Taron’s life and he has to deal with his own things. It’s really important that he finds a way that works good enough for him. When he does that, then maybe you two can meet again.” Brandon sees the hope in Richard’s eyes and he can’t hide a soft smile. Richard’s pure soul was hurt, but still longed for the good old days with T. “Just promise me something.”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll only go back if you know you’ll be happy. If you know that you’re not get sucked back into his old habits and troubles again.” Brandon speaks to him very seriously. “I’ve seen what it does to you and I don’t want to lose you while going through that again.”

“You won’t lose me.” Richard says and looks at him smiling softly.

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself just as much as you would for him.” he says and now he knows he hit a nerve. Richard never took as much care of someone as of Taron back then. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Brandon grabs Richard’s hand softly and squeezes it.

“I promise.” Rich says and squeezes back before letting go of his hand. Brandon’s bright green eyes are watching him observantly and he grins. “I swear, Bran. I won’t let hi- this, hurt me again.”

“Okay then.” he says and continues eating.

Richard leans back a bit in his chair and enjoys being with his mate. They decided to go to a restaurant for dinner and found a beautiful little place. Soft music was playing in the background, some plants decorated the place and a little fountain stood proudly in the middle. For the first time in a while, he feels completely fine. He knew he made progress and he could now blend away his thoughts about Taron out, but he was constantly hurt before. But somehow tonight, he feels genuinely happy and can’t stop himself from smirking and looking at his mate.

“What is it now?” Brandon asks confused and leans back.

“Nothing.” Rich says grinning and takes his glass of wine.

“You’re lying. What’s on your mind?” he chuckles and rolls his eyes playfully.

“Thank you.” he simply says and takes a sip of his red wine.

Brandon frowns and slightly tilts his head sideways. “For what?” He asks curiously, not sure of what he was being thanked for this time.

“For being here with me, taking care of me. Again.” Richard says and braces his head on his hand. “I really don’t know what I would do without you.” he admits and sighs a bit. “I don’t wanna sound like a pathetic mess that needs you to survive but-.”

“Hey.” Brandon grabs his hand again and smiles softly. “You’re doing great on your own, Rich. I’m just a friend who supports you through the process.” he says seriously, but his green eyes are warm.

“I know. And I’m thankful for that.” Rich says and his blue eyes are shining with happiness for the first time since Brandon’s here.

“Careful, mate.” Jamie says and braces him while going inside. He took the keys out of Taron’s jacket and unlocked the door to his apartment. He walks him over to the bedroom and helps him sit down.

“Thanks, man.” Taron mumbles and falls back onto the mattress, closing his eyes to control the spinning world around him. He barely recognizes Jamie taking off his shoes and pulling him up again to get him out of his jacket.

“You should sleep for a bit.” Jamie says and pulls up the blanket, lying it over him and wrapping him up in it. He turns around and goes to close the bedroom door when he hears him.

“I’m sorry, Jamie.” Taron whispers.

“What?” he asks confused and walks over to him again.

Taron sits up and looks at him, eyes full of fear and shame. “I am sorry.”

“For being dizzy?” Jamie asks and sits down on the bed next to him.

“Yeah that too, because we had fun.” Taron chuckles weakly and buries his face in his hands. He can feel his chest getting tight and his hands start sweating. His heart is racing in his chest and he feels himself getting hot. “I have to tell you something.”

“Okay?” Jamie asks and leans against a pillow at the headboard.

“Something I lied about.” Taron says and looks up shaking. Now there was no going back. Jamie watches him remaining silent. “I-I don’t know what you’re gonna think of me if I tell you. I’m afraid of it, honestly.”

“Is this the reason you didn’t tell me what happened between you and Rich earlier?” he asks and watches him observantly. As soon as he says Rich, Taron flinches and his eyes widen in shock, surprised he already knew what was wrong.

“Yes.” he mumbles barely audible. He feels the fear taking over him and panic is lying under the surface.

“Taron, it’s okay. I’m your friend and this won’t change anything between us, yeah?” Jamie tries to assure him and allows him to open up.

“Rich said that too in the beginning. That it wouldn’t change anything.” he bites his lower lip and feels tears burning in his eyes. “But well, I really messed it up.”

“Listen, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I won’t force you into something you don’t wanna do.”

“No, I-I wanna talk about it.” Taron takes a deep breath and looks into the blue eyes of Jamie. It’s a sad irony that his mate had the same eye color as his ex-boyfriend. “I did some bad stuff, that ended in evenings where I broke down and Rich took care of me. It got harder with the passing time and I realized Richard wanted to get me out of it and find someone who would be able to help me.” Taron plays with his hands and just wants to turn back time to say nothing at all.

“What do you mean by bad stuff?” Jamie asks carefully and watches him observantly. Maybe he would finally understand what was going on between his friends that night.

“I-.” Taron bites his lip and shakes his head slowly. “I’m a fucking disappointment.” he chokes out and a tear rolls down his cheek.

“Taron, what did you do?” he gets worried now and thinks back to Richard being just as emotionally wrecked. What the hell was going on when they were alone?

Taron’s eyes are full of tears and they slowly make their way down his cheeks. “Richard gave his best but I didn’t want to stop. I need it, Jamie.” he says and pulls up the long sleeves of his jumper. He looks down at the scars and swallows hard. “I did this to us.”

“You hurt yourself?” he asks barely audible and looks shocked at the destroyed wrists belonging to his friend. Long cuts and old scars, some still a bit red covering his wrists and up to his lower arm.

“I did. And I am still doing it.” T admits sadly and feels shame rising in his body. He was a pathetic mess. “I hurt myself and hurt him by doing it. I cut myself open over and over again and Rich tried to stop me and help me out. But I can’t stop, I need it.”

“What happened last Christmas?” Jamie looks, shocked at all the cuts, and T pulls down the sleeves again feeling uncomfortable.

“I… I did it again and Richard literally begged me to stop cutting myself in front of him.” Taron’s voice is shaking and the tears are dropping onto his sweater. “I got mad at him and broke down on the floor. And he tried to make me feel better but all I could do was-.” his voice cracks and he presses his hand in front of his mouth.

“Hit him and break up with him.” Jamie finishes his sentence and rubs his face.

“Yeah.” Taron chokes out and starts sobbing. “Jamie, I - I know it’s my fault. A-and I’m sorry about lying.”

“Taron, it’s okay that you didn’t tell me, but-.” he cuts himself off and sits back a bit.

“What?” T recognizes how his mate brought some distance between them. He knew it.

“You need to stop hiding it. You need to open up to somebody who can help you.” Jamie says and watches him carefully.

Taron shakes his head and contorts his face. “No, Jamie. I can’t.”

“T, you’re playing with your life here.”

“I’m okay. Still alive right?” he says harshly and wipes his tears away.

“Taron. You need help.” Jamie says in a serious tone and pulls up the sleeve of his jumper. “This isn’t right.”

Taron pulls his hand away quickly and pulls down the sleeve again. “I don’t need help.” he stands up and distances himself from his friend. This reminds him too much of those times with Richard.

Jamie gets up as well and folds his arms in front of his chest. “What if you push it too far one day? Who are you gonna call that’s living nearby? Richard?!” Taron’s expression on his face reflects hurt and Jamie bites his lip. “T, I don’t live here, neither does your mum. Who are you gonna call when you can’t go on with yourself anymore?”

“Why should I call someone? If that happens, then it’s too late for me.” he spits out and turns away from Jamie.

“Taron. Let me support you, as a friend.”

“No, I won’t. I only destroy things with it and I don’t wanna wreck somebody again like I did with… him.” Taron tries to calm himself down, tame the boiling anger in his body and the immense sadness.

“If you don’t wanna let me help, then get someone professional.”

“Oh you mean like him?” he asks bitter.

“Richard is in therapy?” Jamie raises his eyebrow and stares at the back of his friend. Secret after secret was slowly unraveling right before his eyes. He shakes his head slightly. Does he even know his friends anymore?

“Yeah, because of me!” Taron turns around and the tears are streaming down his face again. “Jamie, I am a danger to the people around me.”

“You’re a danger for yourself.” he sighs and sees Taron searching for words. “You need help.”

“I don’t need help!” he shouts and slams his hand on his bedside table, beginning to show his anger. Suddenly, his face gets soft and vulnerable and the sadness in his eyes hurts Jamie. “I need Rich. I need him back.” his chin is quivering as he presses his lips together firmly. “But he’s never coming back, am I right?” Taron throws his arm in the air weakly. Furious tears roll down his cheeks and he breathes through his nose loudly, short and fast.

“Taron-I-.” Jamie cuts himself off, not wanting to hurt him. He sees the hope in his eyes fading. “I don’t know, mate.” Taron nods slowly and falls down on the bed again, burying his face in his hands. “I think you two need some time and an actual change to happen.”

“You mean I need to change.” Taron lifts up his head and looks at him observantly. “Am I right? I need to change.”

“Taron -.”

“Just go, Jamie. I need to be alone.” Taron whispers and avoids his gaze. “Please.”

Jamie respects his wish and leaves his apartment. Taron curls up in bed, sobbing, and falls asleep from exhaustion after a while.


End file.
